Last night Bernie and I went out to the movies. I’m happier watching screeners here, but Bernie sometimes likes to go out, so we left Isa with the babysitter and off we went.
The theatre was fine. The floors had just been mopped, the screen was large and clean, and there was no chewed gum stuck visibly under any seats. The movie started, and then another couple sits right behind us. And they were both drinking sodas.
Yes. I understand that when people go to the movies, they sometimes drink soda. Of course. But this couple had ice in their soda. Not just one of of the couple – both of them. So the whole movie was accompanied by a cacophonous screeching of icebergs grinding together. It was like we were on the Titanic, but on the Titanic it only happened once. This was over and over again.
Some advice: if you want to drink soda in a movie, that’s fine. Only ask for it without ice! Or, if you have to have ice, then leave two or three empty rows between yourself and the people in front of you. And if the theatre’s full and you have to sit right behind someone, then sit behind people who have ice in their own drinks. Then the whole bunch of you can sit there drinking your sodas and jerking each other off for all I care.
Jack Silbert, curator