10/12/03
i was walking out of benny’s [pizzeria], and saw benny sitting outside. “i was looking for you!” he says. “i want you to call this girl.” he pulls out a receipt with a name and number written on it in black Sharpie. “Nice girl,” he says. I ask, “What’s her story? Is she tall? Fat?” benny only answers, “She is nice girl. My wife met her too. I want you to be with a nice girl. Call her. Call her tonight.”
Crazy fucking Albanian. I’m gonna google the shit out of this girl before i do any such thing.
10/14/03
my googling came up empty. people search didn’t reveal much more. she lives at 316 madison. what kind of last name is “marté”? u.s. search, usually very good with ages, came up empty as well. except that maybe she used to live in ridgewood, and in west chester, pa. west chester always makes me think of mike nolan.
10/17/03
SUBJECT: fuck you, benny
i left Ms. Marte an awkward mid-afternoon message on Wednesday, giving my email address because i was working “crazy” hours, and giving my home phone as a back-up.
today she called back at 5:45.
i listened to the message from The Port [Authority] and it sounded kind of charming.
i listened to it again at home and my reaction is “Fuck you, Benny!”
why?
–“I’m still at work at a quarter to six on a Friday, how sad is that?”
Jesus, Marté, if that’s sad, i’m the world’s saddest son-of-a-bitch. i left at six tonite and it felt like i was leaving 4 hours early.
–she said to “give her a shout”
–she said “cheers!” If you’re not from the UK (you ain’t, sister), don’t say cheers. a few women have ended emails with “cheers” and guess what, they’ve all been bad news, brother.
–she said call sunday because saturday she was going “to the Hunt.” i had to listen to that three times to understand it. But what the fuck is the Hunt? Does it mean she’s going on a goddamn foxhunt? i’m an internet wiz and i typed in +”the hunt” +”New Jersey” +”October 18″ and THIS came up: [expired craigslist link that referred to this event]
FUCK YOU, Benny! You are most comedious [word he once used to describe an Albanian funnyman] but you don’t know me or understand me from a goddamn hole in a goddamn ground. I’m taking a dump in The Port waiting for the 126 and she’s going to what sounds like a frat party for trashy upperclass assholes. How am i spending saturday? Painting a school in Harlem.
Oh Benny, by the way, i forgot one thing: FUCK YOU.
10/19/03
i just called Marté. Sounds like a ditz. Didn’t make a plan.
10/26/03
No Benny at Benny’s tonight, and i was glad, as Marté is a dope (and i am a dullard). and you are a mallard, quackadoodledoo. At the end of my chat with her a week ago, I said, Should we make a plan? Or make a plan to make a plan? And she said, let’s make a plan to make a plan, call me tomorrow, if I’m not there, I’ll call you back. So I called Monday night, left a message, and guess what, she didn’t call back. So, once again, fuck you, Benny, and your “35 Year Anniversary” banner.
Gosh, that’s a little harsh. Seems like she was just trying to be funny with the “sad” comment, and people go to The Hunt because they’re single and want to meet each other (well, ok, a lot of them are drunk and too rich, but some of them might be nice, just like some guys take dating advice from a pizza place owner might be nice guys, just like some guys who went to high school with Ethan Whatshisname near Princeton might still be nice guys)…you gotta give someone a lot more of a chance than that!
Anyway…does this mean Benny’s is celebrating it’s 42nd anniv. now? Wait, 43rd. This is why I’m not editing a math mag.
Eh, that should be “its” (not it’s) and “taking” (not take). Maybe I shouldn’t be editing anything, or at least typing!