Movie Review: The Monuments Men

3 stars out of 5

Due to crappy weather and even crappier offerings at the box office (which is never really a surprise either after the holidays or in late summer), I had not been to the movies yet in 2014. But I am an unrepentant Cloonephile, so I finally got around to seeing Monuments Men.

You’d think I would’ve seen it earlier. Bill Murray! Matt Damon! A true story about art—I love art! And ooh I hates them Nazis.

So what was holding me back? Well, first, the moviemakers did. Monuments Men was supposed to come out in late 2013, but then the release date was “pushed back.” Despite claims from Clooney that they needed more time to finish the effects, yadda yadda, this is almost never a good sign. It often means that a movie is, you know… crappy.

And then there was one of the trailers. This might be a new trend in coming attractions that I’ve noticed twice recently. I’ll call it the “documentary-style trailer.” The director and stars talk about the movie, the process, the inspiration. The other film that just did this was the spoiler-alert-in-the-title war flick Lone Survivor. My guess is that when traditional trailers are not “testing” well with audiences for movies that might be a “hard sell,” somebody decided that a “behind-the-scenes” look might convince a few more people. To me, it’s just another red flag.

But just when I think that I’m out, Clooney pulls me back in. Of his last 26 movies, I’ve seen 21 of them in the theater, including all his directorial efforts. OK, George, I’m on board—impress me.

And… he kind of does here. And kind of not. It’s not great, it’s not bad. It’s… okay.

We must give Clooney respect for making a movie of an obscure but important story: the real-life search in World War II for great quantities of art stolen by the Germans. And, perhaps sensing that this wasn’t the most commercial of stories, director/co-writer/producer Clooney loads it up with star power. (We also get Cate Blanchett, John Goodman, Bob Balaban, and that French guy from The Artist.)

But the overall tone seems off. It’s a little too simplified, a little too breezy. It’s almost as if Clooney and Damon wanted to make another Ocean’s Eleven movie but without a Soderbergh to establish quality control. The laughs aren’t funny enough; the poignant bits don’t dig deep enough. The result has sort of a Hogan’s Heroes vibe, complete with some cheap-looking sets.

And the grade-A-minus cast never really gets a chance to shine. Blanchett and Damon’s considerable talents are basically squandered. Murray has a couple of Murray-esque moments. It’s actually Clooney who has the strongest performance, as the moral center of the film: If we don’t protect mankind’s greatest creations—our culture—it’s as if we never existed.

Despite its flaws, Monuments Men is pretty watchable. It goes down easy. You can’t be too upset at any movie where John Goodman plays someone named Walter and Bill Murray gets some pain inflicted by a dentist. And Clooney gives us a really solid ending, including some photos of the real-life Monuments Men over the credits. Which reminds you what a worthwhile story this is.