What Else Happens One Hour After Drinking a Can of Coke

Going viral today: a breakdown of what happens to your body in the 60 minutes after you drink a can of Coca-Cola. But due to space limitations, they weren’t able to list all the things that happen. As a public service, Salt in Wound is happy to provide this additional information.

—You see “A Few Minutes With Andy Rooney” if you started drinking the Coke at the beginning of 60 Minutes (oh wait Andy Rooney is dead).

—You become pregnant.

—You slap forehead and say “I should’ve had a V-8!”

—You age one hour.

—Your heart grows three sizes (Grinch only).

—Clarence Thomas makes an inappropriate comment about a pubic hair.

—You get the rockin’ pneumonia and the boogie-woogie flu.

—Discovery of soggy Cracker Jack prize.

—You get a nickel (California, Connecticut, Hawaii, Iowa, Maine, New York, Vermont) or a dime (Michigan).

—Your glasses are ready at LensCrafters.

—You think, “Man, that Coke I drank an hour ago sure was delicious and refreshing.”