Bard of the Turnpike

My friend said he was attending a production of Hamlet at the Shakespeare Theatre of New Jersey. Sometimes the jokes write themselves.

TAYLOR HAMLET
by Billy Shakes

• Dis ting, ovuh awl udduh tings: Be true t’ yuh’self. Capiche?

• Lenduh? Borrowuh? F-ck dat, chief.

• Frail? Wutt uh you, a woman?

• Sumpin’ is rotten in duh Meadowlands—and it ain’t Jimmy Hoffa.

• Be, doughn’ be—stop axin’ so f-ckin’ many questions.

• Go live wit some nuns, you hooo-uh.

• Awright, TOO MUCH. Quit yer gripin’, lady.

• Ohhhhh!! Yorick! I knew dat guy! F-ckin’ A!

• Rosencrantz and Guildenstern? Thuh bagel-eatuhs got whacked.