EPISODE #131: CRACKED WINDSHIELD
The Who — “Happy Jack” [THEME]
Doug Martsch — “Cracked and Crazed”
The Modern Lovers — “She Cracked”
David Bowie — “Breaking Glass”
Nick Lowe — “I Love the Sound of Breaking Glass”
Joy Division — “Glass” [live]
East Ghost West Ghost — “…And We’ll Call It ‘Plexiglass'”
Blondie — “Heart of Glass”
Roy Wood’s Helicopters — “Green Glass Windows”
The Beatles — “Glass Onion”
Laura Cantrell — “Glass Armour”
Wild Flag — “Glass Tambourine”
Monomen — “Drum of Glass”
Shoes — “Pieces of Glass”
Game Theory — “Metal and Glass Exact”
The Black Swans — “I Forgot to Change the Windshield Wipers in My Mind”
broadcast live from Hoboken, NJ, on “Jack’s Aquarium”
Tuesday, 6/3/14, 3:00-4:15 p.m. eastern time
Jack, after game 2 of the NBA playoff, Jimmy Kimmel came on last night. I decided to write up a stand-up comedy skit. Irreverence is canonical to comedy, right? May I try it out on my next comment?
Irreverence is indeed a cornerstone of comedy. Sure, let’s hear this skit. I am emceeing a show on Thursday so I may steal it.
So I flew to LA, and my booking agent drives me out to this place called the Salton Sea. Have you seen this dump? Ugly as hell. The Colorado River didn’t know where to die, so it left this spew in the middle of nowhere. You know how they say Body of Water, this was a Body of Sludge (audience laughs). Yeah, they call it a Sea as if to conjure up the Mediterranean Sea or something. So ok, after I wake up at my rented villa on the Salton Sea coast, I step onto the veranda, have a bite of biscotti, and take in the stench of dead fish (audience laughs). The place was such an eyesore. Litter everywhere. We tried getting into the spirit by taking off our shoes and rolling up our slacks. You know, wade through the “surf” of the godforsaken Sea. Ten seconds into it I slice my big toe on cracked Mason Jar. Somebody must have been canning maggots nearby (audience laughs). So our trip was cut short, I was hurting like a motherfucker. But thankfully, I mean I don’t know about you, but physical pain sometimes gives me those visions, that 5th dimension of thought, or whaterever. Some of what I think my best creative ideas are come from pain. Like when I stuck my card into the ATM last week and I got my hand stuck into the machine. Not so terrible, until the paramedics came to rescue me. As they were yanking it out, so fricken painful, I kept screaming, leave it in! Leave it in! (audience laughs) So I’m hobbling back to the car, enough with the Salton Sea, wincing with pain, and it strikes me. Most my creative idea ever, I’ll make a website! Salton Wound. com!
Did you ever read the book “Steal This Book” by Abbie Hoffman? Somewhat juvenile if I remember right. A couple of ideas that helped me pass the time while living in Pittsburgh. Remember Pittsburgh in the early 90s? Good times.
BREAKING NEWS: Lebron James is quitting the NHL mid-way through this year’s playoffs! He said he is, and I quote, “tired of the competition involving sweat and bumping into other big guys.” Says he’s moving on to become professional blogger. Questionable move I say, if not kind of dumb. However hinting at his brilliance, his expected online DJ Name “Princess James” is downright funny.
You’re a regular Shecky Greene! Or an IRREGULAR Shecky Greene! [cue laugh track]
Nice, never heard of him. Got a favorite youtube?
Nah, I just like the name “Shecky.”
Good enough, our band has a gig tonight. I’ll give a shout out or two or three to “Shecky.”
I lied about Schecky shout outs. It was a tough crowd. I tried saying a few words about Hank Williams Sr. They weren’t having it.