Who Are You, Jason Statham?!?

Incredulously, another Jason Statham film is being released. I use the word “incredulous” because I have no idea who Jason Statham is. I mean, I know he’s an actor who specializes in action movies. I know this because I go to the movies a lot, so I see a lot of movie posters, and coming attractions, and ads for movies. And a couple of times a year, for the past few years, I see the name Jason Statham associated with these motion pictures.

And yet: I’ve never seen a Jason Statham film. I don’t know anyone who has seen a Jason Statham film. (And I know a lot of people—including myself—who are not high-brow filmgoers. I saw the Deuce Bigelow sequel in the theater. And enjoyed it!) I’ve never seen a Jason Statham film mentioned in a newspaper, magazine, or Web site article. I’ve never seen a box-office tally saying anything remotely like “Statham does it again!”

So what I want to know is: Who is making these movies? And why do they keep making them? I’m reminded of Pauly Shore’s string of flops in the early 90’s. They kept bombing, but they kept getting made. One crucial difference: I had at least heard of Pauly Shore. He had that whole “Hey buuuuuddy. The weeeea-sel!” thing. I have never heard of Jason Statham. Does he have a catch phrase? Has he dated a Spice Girl? Is he a TV star in some faraway land?

Who are you, Jason Statham?!?