Hillary Clinton emerged victorious in the Garden State’s primary today. Apparently her people are pointing to their strong showing among NJ’s Hispanic voters (because who speaks more directly to the Latino community than an uptight white woman in an ill-fitting pantsuit). But I’m guessing I know the true reason: The junior Senator from New York spent a shitload more money here. I am basing this on the fact that I received 6 voicemails from the Clinton campaign in the past two days, and none from the Obama camp. (Pssst, Barack: most modern calling plans don’t charge extra for long distance—you can pay a flat monthly fee for unlimited calls!)
The recorded call from Hillary, I expected. As did I anticipate the message from Bill. The one that caught me off-guard today? Jack Nicholson. Sorry there, pal, and I know you’re a Jersey native, but if you really want me to take political advice from you, stop making late-career dreck like The Bucket List. (Obama fan George Clooney, on the other hand, has a very respectable and consistent Tomatometer record.)
And hold on, Senator Obama, I’m not letting you off that easy. If on Monday you send me an e-mail with this subject line:
From: Barack Obama
Subject: One last thing…
Jack —
Tomorrow is Primary Day in New Jersey, and I’m writing to you with an important reminder to vote and to make sure that your family, friends, and neighbors get out and vote too.
Then on Tuesday, you are NOT allowed to send me an e-mail that begins:
From: Barack Obama
To: Jack Silbert
Sent: Tuesday, February 5, 2008 7:00:06 AM
Subject: RE: One last thing…
Jack —
Today, you can join nearly half the nation in saying that we are tired of business-as-usual in Washington, we are hungry for change, and we are ready to believe again.
One last thing! That means the thing you say after it is the last thing you’re going to say. At the very least, change the subject line to, “Oooh, wait, sorry, there was ONE other thing that I wanted to mention.” And don’t stick a RE: in there like we’re writing back and forth to each other.
Oooh I’m mad. I guess what I’m saying is, don’t try me, folks. Or I’m likely to once again cast my ballot for the only candidate who has always been there for me—
the Trix Rabbit.
Jack Silbert, curator