Oscars (I know, I know, it’s such a cliche blogging topic the day after… so shoot me)

Please. I mean, come on. I love wonderful stories about taking clandestine photos of quirky girls on subways, but we must do our duty here and at least give some nod to the Oscars. And by nod, I mean shit. Whether it be good shit or bad shit, there’s shit to be discussed.

My few thoughts are:

• The Coen Brothers. Joel, please, just a tiny smile. That’s all. If Frances can do it, you can too. Don’t make her do all the heavy “appreciation” lifting. He looked like he was getting an honorable mention at the Mansfield Ohio Film Festival (if there were such a film festival… which there is not) I’m all for being composed and understated, but a slight grin and perhaps even a brief acknowledgment of the others in the category -directors who actually might have been thrilled if they’d won- would’ve gone a long way. He did thank the town for letting them play in their corner of the sandbox which is better than nothing I suppose. I just think they could’ve smiled at the other kids in the sandbox and waved, maybe offered one of their buckets and a small shovel as a token of their gratitude.

• Bruce Vilanch was listed as a writer yet again. He is a lifer. I am very curious to know what his specific contributions were last night. What “patter” was he responsible for?

• Favorite bits of the night – Jon Stewart returning to the podium after Glen Hansard’s very humble acceptance speech for best song and saying, “That guy is arrogant.” AND the updating of a tired awards show bit… the old “somebody left their car parked in the red zone” bit. Giving it new life with the Travolta jumbo jet angle was brilliant I thought. Now it must die forever.

• Jon Stewart calling back Marketa Irglova, the female half of the best song duo, to give her thank you’s was a classy move. If he wasn’t married, it would have gotten him some serious Irglova tail that night.

• Montages. I don’t know. They just weren’t good this year. Some years they can be pretty compelling, but this year… bleh. And it doesn’t make them any more palatable by making fun of how bad they can be (as Stewart did with the binoculars montage) It just sort of adds more salt in the already salty wound. Acknowledgments to SaltInWound.com for that last thought.

• If you are 98 you can talk as long as you like. Hollywood, America, and the world be damned. Keep going Mr. Boyle, you’ve earned it. And if it gets uncomfortable for the sitters, even better I say. Make ’em squirm. Heidi Klum should be forced to endure such an ego “cleansing” every year. Why was she even there? At least Seal had a song nominated one year.

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