Jazz the Glass

Our local newspaper has a weekly, locally-written do-it-yourself home repair column. Authored by a single woman in her 30s, it has a breezy, sit-com feel, more about her travails than about offering any practical knowledge. I took little notice until recently, when the name Cabaret Voltaire registered in my peripheral vision. It was in a column about reconnecting with an old friend whose tastes in home decorating and personal adornment were still hopelessly stuck in a late-adolescent mode.

Something didn’t quite ring true. It was the name-drop: Cabaret Voltaire is way too specific and inside of a reference to use as a generic signifier, certainly for a small-city newspaper. A sharp editor might have substituted Depeche Mode, but still, what does that have to do with soffit and fascia? Several possibilities came to mind: 1) The author was tired of fixing up her house 2) The author was tired of writing this column 3) The author was really the secret goth she seemingly disdained.

Yesterday my suspicions were confirmed. Abandoning all caution, and perhaps even long-term employment prospects, her column detailed her current home decor. Here is but a partial listing:

  • Things that are draped (fabric, broken necklaces) over other things, like lampshades
  • Vintage clothing that I cannot or will not wear, just hanging around on the walls, or suspended from curtain rods
  • Sconces in places they shouldn’t be
  • Spiderwebs (real and fake)
  • A signed Edward Gorey print
  • Goblets

Soon I expect a column about how home repair is not only expensive but detracts from that sought-after spookiness.

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