The Nightstand Drawer

Last week we loaded up the mini van with 2 kids, the dog, mom, dad and plenty of dvds and off we went to Northern Michigan for our vacation. We have never been there before. A lot of midwesterners recommended Michigan so we rented a house in a little town nestled between two lakes. In the past few years we have rented our vacation houses through -and it has been perfect for us. This house definitely did not disappoint — Walking distance to the lakes, the town, “nicely appointed and tastefully decorated.” In most of the houses that we rent, the owner’s stuff is locked up in a closet. My friend Bill says that’s where they stash the good television.
This cottage, however, didn’t seem to have an owner’s closet. They pretty much left their stuff in the drawers and closets. Which is fine, it is their house, afterall. I actually kind of like it when people leave their personal touches around. It feels more “homey” and I like to guess what the owners are like since we never do more than email with them.
In this case, we will call the owners Jackie and Pat. The first night gave us a little more insight into Jackie and Pat’s lives than we wanted. As I went to look for the remote control in the nightstand, guess what I found?
Not a Bible.
Phone Book? Nope.
Gun? I wish…
Next to the framed photos of their sweet little kids, along with a book and some other stuff, was a great big purple penis… that looked like it had an on/off switch.
I went downstairs after finding it and said to my husband, “Good thing the kids didn’t look in our nightstand drawer – there’s a big dildo in it that Jackie must have left behind” Mike said, “Nice. How do we know it is not Pat’s?”
Not that I care, but I have been wondering for a week. How did you not pack that when you were putting the kid’s pictures away? Is this some kind of psychological test? WTF?
I am also totally grossed out. My kids open drawers and empty them out all of the time. I sure as hell don’t want them touching that or worse yet, my teething 14 month old putting it in his mouth!
Jackie and Pat were the last ones to stay there before us too. So it is most likely theirs. Part of me wanted to jokingly say something. The other part wants to make sure I get the $500 security deposit back first.

Note – although I DO have a photo of the purple penis in my phone, I used the cottage photo instead for this posting to keep things classy around here.

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