2 stars out of 5
Timing, as they say, is everything. On Tuesday, I wanted to go to the movies at my local theater. First choice, the new Mission: Impossible. Second choice, Southpaw. Alas, the starting times didn’t jibe with my schedule, so I was forced to choose door No. 3: Vacation.
Now, I sensed something was missing, and not just the “National Lampoon” in the title. But still, I was willing to give it a try. Those original Vacation movies had meant a lot to me in my teen years. I was glad to see that Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo had supporting roles in this. And I figured I could give co-writer John Francis Daley—a.k.a. Sam from Freaks and Geeks—one more chance, in his co-directorial debut.
Things started out promising enough, with Lindsey Buckingham’s original recording of “Holiday Road” playing over the opening credits. This is one of the BEST SONGS OF ALL TIME and never fails to put me in a good mood. So come on, Vacation, I’m smiling already—now show me what you’ve got.
I wasn’t smiling for very long. John Francis Daley and co-conspirator Jonathan Goldstein, you are not John Hughes and Harold Ramis. So instead of clever, they can only muster crude. Very early on, there is accidental boob squeezing and then an extended sequence questioning whether or not the older brother has a vagina. (Cue Hughes and Ramis, rolling in graves.) Soon there are also jokes based on pedophilia, projectile vomiting, pubic hair, and swimming in fecal matter. Oh, and ha-ha, listen to the crazy Asian voice on the GPS!
I also question Daley and Goldstein’s choice to make the younger brother a really mean-spirited kid who swears all the time. The character is not in any way funny, and I don’t know who they were trying to appeal to. (Perhaps the pre-teen boys they hope will find this on home video?) But definitely not someone I wanted to take a cross-country trip with. (In a mildly funny self-referential bit, they point out that having two boys, instead of a brother and sister, is one of the differences from the “old” vacation/Vacation.)
The movie isn’t completely horrible, and there are a few somewhat amusing cameos along the way, and I do like long car trips. And I guess on some level, it’s humorous that yet another pair of actors—Ed Helms and Leslie Mann—are playing Rusty and Audrey Griswold. Still, there is precious little to enjoy here. Now what’s this? Daley and Goldstein are writing the next Spider-Man movie? Oh great, just great. Hollywood, can you please keep these hacks away from any more of my treasured childhood memories?
Jack Silbert, curator