To help settle their situation at second base, today the New York Yankees traded pitcher Adam Warren and utility-man Brendan Ryan to the Chicago Cubs for infielder Starlin Castro. The 25-year-old three-time All Star from the Dominican Republic also adds youth and a much-needed right-hand bat to the Yanks’ line-up. One key question remains, though: What will radio-announcer John Sterling’s home-run call be for Starlin Castro? Salt in Wound humbly offers the following suggestions:
— “You’re a star, Starlin!”
— “Castro hit that one into the Bay of Pigs!”
— “Castro with a Cuban Missile Crisis, exploding in the upper deck!”
— “Castro turned that ball Communist, because it is deep to left!”
— “That pitch was a Cuban cigar and Castro smoked it!”
— “It is Elián Going-Going-GONE-zalez!”
— “He Buena Vista Social Clubbed it!”
— “Another Castro Convertible, from fastball to touch-em-all!”
— “An H.R. from the D.R.! Always count on the Count of Monte Cristi!”
— “A startlin’ shot from Starlin!”
— “Oh my Starlin, oh my Starlin, oh my STAR-LIN Clobberin’ Time!”
— “Starlin launches a Castronaut into deep space!”
— “The pitcher was punished with a dose of Castro oil!”
— “Cast-ro thy ball upon the left-field bleachers!”
— “He slices a high-pitch Castr-ati!”
Previously featured:
• Didi Gregorius
• Carlos Beltran
• Jacoby Ellsbury
• Brian McCann
• Kevin Youkilis
Jack Silbert, curator