Movie Review: Spider-Man — Homecoming

3 stars out of 5

I think this is probably a mediocre movie, another diminishing return from the Marvel assembly line, and yet somehow I enjoyed it. The character was introduced in Captain America: Civil War? Why? Didn’t see it. And why is Iron Man in this? It reeks of lazy corporate cross-promotion and a lack of faith in the audience to “just” see Spidey. Hell, I’ve gone to the theater for every godforsaken Spider-Man movie they’ve churned out and I’m 48 freaking years old. I’ll buy a ticket regardless, Sony, capiche?

It took me a long, long time to warm up to this movie. It felt like an Iron Man flick with special guest Spider-Man. Where was Uncle Ben? Where’s the great power and great responsibility? The appeal of Spider-Man to me when I was a kid was that he was this wisecracking loner with an underlying sadness. Now he’s got a wacky pal and a talking suit and it all seemed like a poor man’s Ferris Bueller.

It doesn’t help that the script is pretty weak. Six screenwriters?!? That is too many cooks, led by Hollywood’s king of the hacks, John Francis Daley.

So, I was bored through a lot of early going. And no thrilling action to distract me from the other flaws. But, the movie slowly found its groove. The high school stuff feels real, and I was pleased that they’ve incorporated people of color into Peter Parker’s world. Michael Keaton has fun as the regular guy from Queens who is sometimes… the Vulture. (Marisa Tomei, however, seems out of place as Aunt May, and I cringed when Robert Downey Jr. made a leering comment about her.) We also get to play Spot the Minor Celebrity: Hey, it’s John Francis Daley’s fellow geek Martin Starr! Whoa, Hannibal Buress is the gym teacher! Look, kids, Tyne Daly! Hey, Stan Lee still isn’t dead!

I did genuinely laugh twice, so I’ll give them credit for that. The animated Spider-Man theme music at the beginning did seem out of place, but props for putting the Ramones on the soundtrack.

Tom Holland is decent as Peter Parker/Spider-Man, and since the character is 15 I guess I’ll forgive him for lacking gravitas. Sequel? Sure, I’ll be there.

Still, I’m dreading the Inevitable Corporate Merger that combines the Marvel and DC universes into the Worst Movie Ever.