2.5 stars out of 5
The first Jurassic World was half boring, half exciting, and I’m sad to report, the ratio has definitely not improved.
So where were we? The park is in shambles, but that’s OK because a volcano is going to wipe out the island anyway. Ah, but Richard Attenborough’s old partner (was this character ever mentioned in the series before? Ah who cares) has a plan to rescue the dinosaurs before they’re all covered in lava and move them to a sanctuary. He’s entrusted his young charge to handle the details. So this guy hires Bryce Dallas Howard to help wrangle the beasts, and she hires Chris Pratt, because we have to get the band back together, right?
Bryce and Chris arrive on the island, where they’re met by that crusty old Texas cop from The Bridge and his paramilitary brigade. Why all the guns and uniforms and what-not? Is this mission not as altruistic as originally promised? Yeah, it’s pretty clear these guys are baddies, and that’s a shame, because prior to this, there’s a fairly interesting debate about the ethics of genetically engineered creatures and our responsibility to protect them or let nature take its course. (I was excited when I saw Jeff Goldblum in the trailer speaking to this topic, but he’s in the movie about as long as he was in the commercial.)
So now it’s clear who to root for, and I won’t spoil the villains’ plan except to say IT’S THE SAME EXACT SINISTER SCHEME FROM THE LAST MOVIE, YOU LAZY JACKHOLES.
B.D. Wong, looking BloateD, is back as the morally compromised science guy. Nice to see Charlie Chaplin’s daughter Geraldine playing the old dude’s housemaid. I want to say Toby Jones is slumming as a money-hungry middleman, but ever since Wayward Pines I’m beginning to think Toby actually likes this sci-fi garbage. There’s a little girl because the cynical filmmakers know that the kids in the audience want someone to identify with. Likewise, Bryce and Chris have a couple of diverse young coworkers with them.
You can see the shocking twists coming a mile away. Things do pick up substantially in the final half hour — the action, tension, direction, and a set-up for the next sequel that brings to mind another prominent sci-fi series. But it was too little, too late; Fallen Kingdom is a fossilized turd.
Jack Silbert, curator