4 stars out of 5
Do I have to say every time that, full disclosure, Sophia Lillis is my dear friend Karen’s stepdaughter? What if I get it out of the way in the first sentence? OK, fine. Um, this movie is FUCKED UP. I had no idea what to expect. Even my recollections of the Hansel & Gretel fairy tale are pretty cloudy at this point: a brother and sister wander in the woods and hungrily happen upon a gingerbread house, owned by a witch who invites them in and… eats them? Doesn’t eat them? I honestly don’t recall.
And so this is a modern, stretched-out retelling, except, it isn’t modern in the slightest. The story is set in an unnamed very long time ago, but also refers to another fairy tale which takes place even very longer ago. Also, where are we? Their names are German, but everybody’s accents are Irish, though Hansel sounds British and Gretel seems to be American. Tone-wise, the term “gothic horror” kept popping into my head, but I was also reminded of the off-kilter 1940s horror films of Val Lewton.
So, dad is dead, Gretel goes all #metoo on a creepy rich oldster who would’ve hired her, mom is looney tunes, so G & H head out into the Black Forest except maybe it is the Green Forest of Ireland, is there such a thing. The woods are foreboding and quite cool looking. They meet a friendly hunter who says, go to the woodsmen who will take care of you, do not pass GO, do not collect $200. Oh, but the allure of the witch’s house is too strong; it does not have Gingerbread Siding® but there is quite a scrumptious spread within.
Alice Krige is creepily good as the witch. She is fattening up young Hansel while instructing Gretel in the ways of the dark side of the Force. The pace is SLOW and the language is deliberate and the feel is STARK. I sensed that everyone in the theater would die a horrible death except I was the only one in there. A handful of instances briefly took me out of the zone: G & H randomly indulge in some magic mushrooms they’ve stumbled on and suddenly it’s Midsommar again; the witch drops a glass and says “Another one bites the dust.” (Thanks, Rami Malek.) A goth girl shows up who seems a bit too “today.” And a couple of times, the score (intentionally??) evokes the Twilight Zone theme.
But overall, Gretel and Hansel maintains its unique dark groove. Director Oz Perkins, son of Tony, certainly knows his way around a scary story. Sophia Lillis is once again top-notch as the lead, exuding a calm, quiet dignity. Kudos to her; after IT she could’ve starred in any teen comedy piece of garbage with Demi Lovato on the soundtrack for a quick buck, but this is thoroughly weird and must’ve been an arduous shoot.
As mentioned, I was the only one in the theater for the 1:30pm showing, which only added to me being creeped out. I had to talk to somebody about this movie, so I chatted with the guy behind the counter who’d seen it the day before. I couldn’t even decide if I liked it or not. He was equally freaked out, also had no idea of the timeframe, and we marveled at the PG-13 rating, how we would’ve been very, very disturbed by this film as young teens. I is 50 and still feel pretty freaking disturbed. This flick will stick with me. Spoiler alert: I liked it.
Jack Silbert, curator