Okay, so by now I’m sure you’re all aware -through various stories in the media- that honey bees are apparently dying mysteriously all across the country. Well, not knowing a damn thing about bees, I sort of assumed it was mainly the kinds of bees that are employed by beekeepers. You know, that breed of bees. That “sect” or “flock” or “gaggle” as it were that put on their hard hats and go to work making honey from 9-5 then retire to their combs at night. Now, however, I think I’m witnessing firsthand that the hard working bees of the honey industry and the lazy bastard bees that just chill out around my yard and suck off my flowers may be suffering the same inexplicable demise.
This past year, we have seen an inordinate amount of dead bees just lying around on the ground everywhere. Literally, Amanda fears for my life when I take out the trash in my socks or bare feet, worried that l may step on one of these deceased guys and get the last gift they can give, even after they’re departed… a rousing stinger to the toe. At any rate, are we in fact witnessing “the end of days” as Amanda keeps telling me? Is anyone else seeing this phenomenon in their neck of the woods? I honestly can’t recall every seeing this many dead bees just… dead. It’s weird. Today, for instance, I went out to clean out the lint trap for our dryer vent and found five of them lying in proximity, prone on their backs, in what looked like a weird bee suicide pact. It’s creepy, and I want someone to just tell me that it’s normal and that it’s always been this way and that M. Knight Shamalamalamalan stuff isn’t “happening.” It’s just that I’ve never noticed it before, right? Because like when you buy a certain type of car, you suddenly start thinking there a ton of those cars around, right? That theory is the one I want to believe, but I can’t because I just bought a Prius, and there really ARE a ton of them that have popped onto the streets in the last six months due to the gas price hike.
Now, the other insect phenomenon that’s going on this summer is flies. Flies. Everywhere FLIES! I told Amanda that this summer is out of control with the fly population compared to summers past, but she refused to heed my warning. Then, the other day, I was at a friend’s house when the topic arose without my prompting, and everyone practically screamed in unison, “Yes! The FLIES!!!?!!! What the fuck is going on with the flies this summer???” And you can’t just limit it to the house. Oh no. The library.. check. The WGA lounge… check. Any and every restaurant in a 20 mile radius (which just covers the general area we migrate around in)… check.
So, what’s going on people? Are we about to see a Hitchcockian nightmare play out in front of our very eyes? Are bees dying while flies are multiplying? Where do the ants stand in all of this? We actually had great success ridding our house of them through an organic pest control company.
Help me… please heeeeeelp me….
Jack Silbert, curator