Thursday night, after midnight: I have worked quite late and am walking to the train. The fan-enhanced mannequins in the French Connection windows have once again caught my eye—their outfits ripple as if in a stiff breeze!—when I realize an actual woman is speaking to me. What? What? Hold on. I remove my earphones. She is trying to find the club Don Hill’s. I say I will walk her part of the way.
Is her accent New Zealand/Australia? Yes, New Zealand. (“Most people here just guess British.”) She has been in the U.S. since August. Her name is Alana. A recent fashion-design graduate, she is now a make-up artist in Times Square. (“They are complementary fields,” I offer.) Long hair, short skirt, tights. You might say she has an exotic look. Though Don Hill’s is somewhat out of my way, I walk her all the way there. As we walk, we talk. The following are excerpts from that conversation.
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Upon learning of the make-up job:
Jack: So did you have any experience…?
Alana: No! None at all! I just handed them my resumé…
Jack: Now, wait, you wouldn’t have a resumé if you didn’t have any experience… (Pause.) Unless it was, like, a blank resumé.
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Alana: If Don Hill’s is this way, why did people tell me that way?
Jack: Well, it’s a little confusing, there’s a Greenwich Street and a Greenwich Avenue. But really, it’s that most people are stupid.
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Jack: So you’re here with Bret and Jemaine?
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Alana: It’s great to be young in New York!
Jack: Especially if you have money.
Alana: I haven’t paid for one drink since I’ve been here!
Jack: I was in Massachusetts last weekend and someone offered to buy me a drink. Only thing was, it was a guy and he hoped I was gay. (Pause.) I still took the drink.
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Jack: You said you work at… Neck?
Alana: M•A•C. M-A-C. It’s, like, the biggest cosmetics company in the world.
(Pause.)
Jack: It’s not bigger than Maybelline.
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Jack: So you can contact me. If you need any, you know, help with anything.
Alana considers this.
Alana: You’re in… printing? So, like, if I needed business cards made up?
Insert sound effect.
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We said goodnight gracefully.
See, I just won’t agree that being underrated is overrated. This clearly should be The Alana and Jack Show.