Isa and I were invited by friends to Disneyland this week. We’d never been, so we accepted the offer. We parked, and waited in line for a tram. Then we waited in another line for a security check. Then we waited for tickets. The inside of the park:

We walked down the fabled Main Street, and rounded the corner to see Indiana Jones beating the crap out of a turbaned man, in the form of a show. After he threw the man over some barrels, Indy whispered conspiratorially to the crowd through his wireless mic, “When he wakes up, tell him I won.”

We then stood in line for almost an hour to ride the Haunted Mansion.

After that, we were educated on the use of the FastPass system; where I put our tickets in a machine for the popular rides, and another ticket is spit out, telling us what times we can return to go in a faster line for the ride. We did this for Space Mountain, and were told to return at 3:00 (it was about noon). I tried another fast pass, but it wouldn’t let me, saying we hadn’t used the other ones yet.

I then waited twenty minutes to use the bathroom.

We ended up in line for about forty minutes for pizza. I witnessed, firsthand, the primordial soup of the degradation of line etiquette in America. People cut , stole others’ orders, grabbed, and ran for tellers. People waited in line at the cash register as others brought them plate after plate of food. Mothers took this moment as a time to teach their children how to pay for food and get change. People pushed, shoved, yelled at each other, saved tables with purses, plastic bags and cups. Babies hollered and kids whined. Parents blocked entire sections with their strollers. Other wars ensued with the scooter people.

After lunch, our friends rode the kiddie rocket and we waited in line for the “Honey I Shrunk the Audience!” By this time, it was Space Mountain time. So, in five hours we’d ridden a total of two rides.

As the day grew on, the crowds grew even thicker, the lines even longer. We waited an hour for the Pirates of the Carribbean. The ride itself was minutes long. We then got another fast pass for the log flume ride (which name escapes me) for 11:00 pm. I needn’t go on, it’s clear how the day went. I wouldn’t recommend it.

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