satire
What Else Happens One Hour After Drinking a Can of Coke
Going viral today: a breakdown of what happens to your body in the 60 minutes after you drink a can of Coca-Cola. But due to space limitations, they weren’t able to list all the things that happen. As a public service, Salt in Wound is happy to provide this additional information. —You see “A Few […]
Differences on Kepler 452b
Today, NASA announced the discovery of Kepler 452b, a planet 1,400 light-years away, which orbits a Sun-like star in 385 days. Kepler 452b is very similar to Earth in many regards, except for the following…. • Nobody there says “crushing it.” • Orange juice is blue. • Pin the Tail on the Donkey is an […]
Trending
I’ll admit it, I’m kind of addicted to the “trending” column on Facebook’s desktop version. Yes, it’s taken a little of the fun out of “discovering” celebrity deaths, but there is often some helpful or interesting info there. And yet, I am often left wondering, “Why the fuck is this trending?” What I’ve done right […]
Forgotten Yogi Berra Quotes
Happy 90th birthday to New York Yankees legend Yogi Berra! (To put that in perspective, that’s a full three years older than any of the current Yankees.) A Hall of Famer with tremendous prowess as both a hitter and a catcher, Berra is equally known for his beloved Yogi-isms, such as “It ain’t over till […]
Rejected Lipstick Colors
• “Still Infected” • “Moonlight in Saginaw” • “ISIS Ice” • “Forbidden Biden” • “Under-Table Bubblegum” • “Room-Temperature Pink” • “Excessive Chapstick” • “Redd Foxx Foxy Red” • “Very Berry Botox” • “Manischewitz Chartreuse”
New Year’s Resolutions 2015
1. Since I do have an entire year, maybe don’t wait until 11 minutes before posting this to write hilarious list of new year’s resolutions. 2. Try to figure out why touring companies of Broadway shows never, ever seem to schedule performances in New York City. Totally unfair! 3. You will never believe the SHOCKING […]
Predicting John Sterling’s Home-Run Call for Didi Gregorius
Last week, the Yankees completed a three-team trade that landed them Didi Gregorius, a 25-year-old shortstop from the Arizona Diamondbacks. Though not yet an outstanding offensive player, he shows a very strong glove and arm, and seems to have a lot of potential. Fans wonder if he will be an effective replacement for Derek Jeter […]
The Surprising Technology in Bill Gates’ Mansion
This morning on the Yahoo!, there was yet another of those click-bait headlines that I refuse to read. Instead, here are my guesses on the “surprising technology in Bill Gates’ mansion.” 1. Telephone humorously shaped like Mickey Mouse. 2. Remote control for his remote control, because we’re always losing those things, am I right?? 3. […]
Jack Silbert, curator