1. Partially shut down government until congressional Democrats give me $5 billion for a border collie.
2. Reveal to world that all this time, HTML has been shorthand for Hotmail.
3. Every time someone says 2019, mutter, “You know, Normie, 19 was the average age of soldiers killed in Vietnam.”
4. Research if Roy Rogers’ horse had a trigger warning.
5. Protect my personal data at all costs, hey cool, an ad for “personal data protection service” just popped up on my screen, what an awesome coincidence.
6. Stick to a gluten-free diet. Whoops, typo! Glue-free.
7. Make budget-conscious downgrade from Alexa to a refurbished Speak & Spell.
8 . Travel more, and then just stay in the hotel room binge-watching American Ninja Warrior.
9. Take charge of my life; take charger for my phone.
10. Accept the things I cannot change; change the things I can, except a twenty for singles, because what am I, a stripper?
• My resolutions for 2018
• My resolutions for 2017
• My resolutions for 2016
• My resolutions for 2015
• My resolutions for 2014
• My resolutions for 2013
• My resolutions for 2012
Jack Silbert, curator