satire
Reasons to Still Visit Hoboken, Now That Maxwell’s Is Closing
A new friend recently told me that, with the upcoming closing of the legendary indie-rock club Maxwell’s, she couldn’t think of any other “destinations” warranting a trip to Hoboken. Poppycock, I say! Though the city is merely a square mile in size, it still has so very much to offer. Here is just a small […]
If I Win the $600 Million Powerball Jackpot
Back in late November, for the $550 million Powerball jackpot, I was still reeling from Sandy recovery when I made up my winnings wish list. Now, with tonight’s $600 million jackpot, I have a much clearer head. So this time, if I win, I will… • Go see fancy 3-D version of new Star Trek […]
NRA and NBA: Similarities and Differences
This weekend, the National Rifle Association held its annual convention in Houston, Texas. Meanwhile, the National Basketball Association playoffs are in full swing. With their similar acronyms, it can be easy to confuse the two organizations. I’ve prepared this easy-to-digest chart to help you distinguish them. SIMILARITIES • In favor of shooting • In favor […]
Other Bad Things That Mike Rice Did
Rutgers University fired men’s basketball coach Mike Rice today, after videotape revealed that Rice is a complete and total prick—an abusive, homophobic bully. Later today, additional video was released, uncovering even more offenses by the disgraced former coach. Several of these are listed below. Count on Salt in Wound to keep you up to the […]
New Year’s Resolutions 2013
1. Geeeeeet my eeeeeeeeeeeee keeeeeeeeeeey fixeeeeeeeeeeeeed. 2. Apprendre à parler français. 3. Really take the bull by the horns (only if I somehow become a matador or rodeo clown). 4. Stockpile untaken wooden nickels; purchase a wooden certificate of deposit. 5. Resolution No. 5 is brought to you by Chanel No. 5, the perfect fragrance […]
Predicting John Sterling’s Home-Run Call for Kevin Youkilis
THe New York Yankees signed White Sox third baseman Kevin Youkilis (what? he played for another team?) to a one-year, $12 million contract. This raises a burning question for Yankees fans. And it’s not “Will Youk be a competent fill-in for injured A-Rod at the hot corner” or “Will Youkilis and Joba finally bury the […]
If I Win the $550 Million Powerball Jackpot
I will… —get my 1991 Corolla reupholstered. —buy the “special” sandwich next Wednesday at Fiore’s. —hire a car service, go into Manhattan, get $15 haircut at Astor Place. —tip Alberto the barber four dollars. —take out a student loan and repay it the same day. —I guess I need some new tube socks. —watch the […]
Silbert Nobel Submission: “Up the Junction” and the Space-Time Continuum
Or maybe you have to be nominated for a Nobel Prize? Just in case could somebody maybe re-Tweet this? OK thanks. Use the hashtag #physics, as I think that’s where time travel would fit. Before I get into the “meat” of my theory (theorem? proof? I should probably look this stuff up in the FAQs […]
Jack Silbert, curator