satire
Business Plan: Club 273
I propose opening a club, which I will call Club 273. It will be a very exclusive club, with no sign outside. And get this: 273 will not be the building’s street address. On that street, 273 will be, like, a shoe repair shop or something. This will keep away poseurs who have heard about […]
New Year’s Resolutions 2012
1. Lose 10 pounds. 2. Gain 15 pounds. 3. Start smoking. 4. Move part in hair half-centimeter to the left. 5. Finally learn how to play piano and when instructor tells me that I’m actually getting very good, never ever play again. 6. Meet girl, lose girl, think about winning girl back, but really listen […]
Writing Experiment: 2011 in Puns and Wordplay in 1 Hr., 11 Min.
I wrote a Facebook status earlier: “Clearing out my 2011 puns. R.E.M. breakup = Stipe-end.” That was it. Nothing earth-shattering. But, people liked it. “Liked” it. As I type this, 17 likes, 8 comments. Now I’m home, I’ve had three beers, and I’m giving myself a challenge. Using Wikipedia’s entries on 2011 and 2011 in […]
Meanwhile, at the Deity Meet-and-Greet…
VISHNU: Can we have pie in the backyard? JESUS: Yes. Allah mowed.
Presidential Proof
Despite this morning’s release of President Obama’s long-form birth certificate, there are still so-called “birthers” who are demanding even further proof that the President was indeed born in Hawaii. To appease these critics, and hopefully put this discussion to bed once and for all, the White House has just released the following items. • Aloha-flower-print […]
Additional Additions
Shockwaves permeated the fabricated world of astrology yesterday, when the existence of Ophiuchus, a heretofore unknown, also-completely-made-up zodiac sign was announced. Panic ensued globally as people tried to cope with the new date ranges of the previously accepted 12 signs. Today, we’ve learned of the domino effect of this horoscope horror, impacting nearly all aspects […]
I Imagine a NY Times Article
Fifty-seven minutes ago, the New York Times posted this Facebook status update: Sonia Sotomayor. John McCain. Patti Smith. Michelle Obama. Glenn Beck. Meryl Streep. John Grisham. Rachel Maddow. Read excerpts from their commencement speeches to the graduates of 2010. I have imagined what these excerpts might be. SONIA SOTOMAYOR: “You call THAT a gown?” JOHN […]
Jack Silbert, curator