1. For Halloween, dress up as Hugh Downs and/or Barbara Walters.
2. Now that I’ve solved Rubik’s Cube, resolve to re-solve.
3. Next time someone concludes a sassy “hot take” by saying “Prove me wrong!” go into an extended, Beautiful Mind-wall-diagram, meticulous point-by-point refutation of their supposed theory until everybody in the room gets really, really uncomfortable.
4. Launch my visiting-physician Airbnb service, Doctors Without Boarders.
5. Exorcise more.
6. Live every day like it’s my second-to-last, which is sooo much less pressure.
7. Whenever someone reveals the results of their ancestry test, ask, “Are you relatively sure?”
8. Reinvent wheel. Just spitballing, but maybe… oval?
9. Withhold cephalopod mollusk strap-on camera from Ukraine until they investigate my political rivals, but insist there was no quid pro quo for the Squid Go Pro.
10. Let bygones be bygones. Wait… what the fuck else would they be?
• My resolutions for 2019
• My resolutions for 2018
• My resolutions for 2017
• My resolutions for 2016
• My resolutions for 2015
• My resolutions for 2014
• My resolutions for 2013
• My resolutions for 2012
Jack Silbert, curator