New Year’s Resolutions 2021

By Jack Silbert on December 31, 2020

1. Wear mask.

2. Wear mascara.

3. Enter my beautiful house with my beautiful wife. Oh wait.

4. Print and sell bumperstickers: My Other Car is an Honor Roll Student

5. Hire Jellybean Benitez to remix my oatmeal.

6. Fill out early ballot for 2024 election.

7. Though it’s true nice guys finish last, put in more effort to finish simultaneously.

8. Write Great American Novel or, you know what, maybe just post a 12-second TikTok video in which I wiggle it just a little bit.

9. ~~Bake bread.~~ Get baked.

10. Get vaccinated, vulcanized, Martinized, simonized — whatever it takes to help put this damn pandemic behind us.