1. Attend my first rodeo. Oh wait.
2. Bring back phrase “23 skidoo.”
3. Market computerized sex doll with tag line “Any USB port in a storm.”
4. Shamelessly promote the free indiepop show I’m presenting at Pet Shop, 193 Newark Avenue in Jersey City on Thursday, February 9, featuring the bands Joy Cleaner, the Human Hearts, and the Ekphrastics. Encourage people to “save the date.”
5. Look up the word “ekphrastic.”
6. Build car where the back looks like the front to really confuse the driver behind me.
7. Keep clicking Accept All Cookies until some damn cookies come out of my phone.
8. Pitch to HBO Max: Tales From the Cryptocurrency
9. In the 9th month, try not to do the same old things and really make it a deviated Septumber.
10. Remain humble.
11. Eat fewer Reese’s mini peanut butter cups. But, in the meantime, convince Reese’s that the foil-wrapped mini cups don’t also need that little brown paper wrap around them because it is *so* much work and we just want our freaking candy, am I right, people?!?
12. Finally deal with my uncle’s ashes, even though it’ll be very difficult gluing him back together.
• My resolutions for 2022
• My resolutions for 2021
• My resolutions for 2020
• My resolutions for 2019
• My resolutions for 2018
• My resolutions for 2017
• My resolutions for 2016
• My resolutions for 2015
• My resolutions for 2014
• My resolutions for 2013
• My resolutions for 2012
Promoting something shamelessly is better than promoting something shamefully, all things considered.